I applied for a job today. I haven't done that in almost two years. I applied for lots of jobs when I graduated college. I got this itch like I was supposed to be a grown up. Wake up early in the morning, not get drunk on wednesday nights. It eventually went away. I realized I wasn't in any hurry to grow up. I love getting drunk on weekdays. The bars are emptier and the beer is cheaper. Who wants to be a grown up? Not me. I have two jobs, none of which is in any way "real." But I pay my bills. I get by. But lately....the itch is back.
My friends from high school have real jobs: as physical therapists or working in nuclear power plants. The friends that don't have real jobs are getting doctorate degrees. The kid I pick up from school everyday, his 5th grade teacher is two years younger than me. And my favorite person to work with on Saturday mornings, just quit waiting tables with me.....to get a "real" job. So I've got that itch again. I don't want to be a grown up. I want to write a novel and become rich. I want my boyfriend to create an iPhone app and become rich. I want grown up things like a house, and a yard. But I don't want the 9-5. It doesn't work. I don't fit in that box. But I applied for a job today because it made sense. I scratched the itch, and now I hope it goes away.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
This week, and maybe last week I've realized I hate a lot of people. Maybe that makes me sound, grouchy, but... lately I have been very grouchy. After a nice walk home in the cold after work on Sunday, I found myself crying for absolutely no reason. No one was particularly cruel to me at work, no one flagged me down or yelled my name loudly across the restaurant to tell me their diet coke tasted flat. But I think anyone who has ever waited tables for a significant amount of time starts to hate people. My father used to always say something along the lines of "Your mother waited tables for one summer, and I've been paying for it ever since." It makes sense now. I judge someone as soon as they walk in, what they're wearing, how they walk, all telling me whether they're going to be worth my time. I love to be proven wrong, and it does happen, sometimes.
Lately it seems that I am just over my neighborhood though. I got yelled at by some guy unloading his car, that he parked on the wrong side of the street, but he decided to yell loudly at me because I didn't fully stop at a stop sign, on the bottom of a hill. It was late. I was tired. If he had been a cop, I would have thought it appropriate, but no he was just a stupid guy who bought way too much bottled water.
And then there's the emails. I joined a neighborhood yahoo! group a few years ago after a friend got mugged. Its helpful because they send emails, a run down of the crimes in the neighborhood, who's having a sale, if someone needs a babysitter. A lot of good has come from it. I found my leather repair specialist from kind neighbors who shared their experiences with me. But then there's the guy who gets all upset because someone put dog poop in his trash can. And I want to scream at him, because if his biggest problem is dog poop in a city of Atlanta Herby Kerby than I think we should all be so lucky. I want to take my dogs on walks only by his house and leave all the poop in his lawn because he said that would be preferable to it being in his trash can. And then there's the Grassfed beef guy. Anytime a restaurant mentions grass fed beef he emails us all to tell us about it. I don't think he realizes that the grass fed cow who died to make his hamburger is just as likely to be skinned while alive and fully conscious, and just as apt to be butchered and have their feet cut off while they are still breathing as a cow that lived on a feed lot it's whole life. If he ever comes in to moes and joes I'll let him know.
I know I'm sounding bitter again, like when I hated christmas. But I do hate people. I used to only hate five people in the world, now I feel like it's everyone with a palin sticker on their car. I think the more I know about the world, the more I grow to hate it, but sometimes I like people too...
I was dreading getting my oil changed. I was preparing for the lecture of how I should have done it 700 miles ago, or the one about my brakes, or tires, or even just my headlight being out (I bought a bulb I just need to put it in), but they never came. My oil change took thirty minutes and if I hadn't had the bright idea to go for a long walk in the cold with the dogs on a busy street it would have been one of my most pleasant car experiences ever. As it was, my hands went numb and I yelled at the dogs a lot for pulling, and for pooping SIX times.
After, I went to buy coffee at Atlanta Coffee Roasters because I had so much time and I am never in that area, but they have a huge variety of beans so it's always worth the trip. The guy in line three people in front of me had ordered five pounds of coffee all ground finely. I hated him I'm not going to lie. Why did he not buy a coffee grinder and do it himself? He was obviously a coffee snob because he said this was the only store in the area (the whole atlanta area, as he was already driving thirty minutes from home) that had good coffee. He said every month he had to make a coffee run. Well dumbass, if you bought yourself a grinder that coffee would stay fresh longer, it would be easier to store, and you wouldn't be holding up the line. But I will say that I loved everyone else in that line with me. The girl behind him ordered two coffees, and even though she really wanted cream she waited until I said something when it was my turn in line instead of charging back to the front to tell them they had run out of cream. The guy behind her kindly waited while the man made him a swiss chocolate latte, that he had clearly never made before, and was surprised to see it on the menu. Both of them tipped him, and were nice even though it had taken much longer than they probably would have liked to get their beverages. And I loved the man behind the counter too. Not just because he looked like Santa Clause, but possibly because he reminded me of my own father. He wasn't supposed to be making lattes that morning, but one of his employees was at the doctor's and he listened patiently while she explained on the phone that she will be there as soon as she could. It wasn't a warm tingly feeling that I got or anything. I loved them, just as much as I truly hate all the others. But it was very real. I knew that man, his employees, the people in that shop, they were all real that day. They all had real problems, places to be, wives, kids, jobs, and I saw more of in fifteen minutes than was normal. I spend hours with people while they sit and eat, never thinking that they are real. They are just customers that maybe will tip me. The people in my neighborhood are just emails, or people yelling at me, sometimes their women with jogging strollers, but they're not real. They don't have problems. I wanted to jump behind the counter and help the owner make espresso, pour coffee, find the creamer. I could have done it. I could have helped. I could have been real too, but I didn't.
Lately it seems that I am just over my neighborhood though. I got yelled at by some guy unloading his car, that he parked on the wrong side of the street, but he decided to yell loudly at me because I didn't fully stop at a stop sign, on the bottom of a hill. It was late. I was tired. If he had been a cop, I would have thought it appropriate, but no he was just a stupid guy who bought way too much bottled water.
And then there's the emails. I joined a neighborhood yahoo! group a few years ago after a friend got mugged. Its helpful because they send emails, a run down of the crimes in the neighborhood, who's having a sale, if someone needs a babysitter. A lot of good has come from it. I found my leather repair specialist from kind neighbors who shared their experiences with me. But then there's the guy who gets all upset because someone put dog poop in his trash can. And I want to scream at him, because if his biggest problem is dog poop in a city of Atlanta Herby Kerby than I think we should all be so lucky. I want to take my dogs on walks only by his house and leave all the poop in his lawn because he said that would be preferable to it being in his trash can. And then there's the Grassfed beef guy. Anytime a restaurant mentions grass fed beef he emails us all to tell us about it. I don't think he realizes that the grass fed cow who died to make his hamburger is just as likely to be skinned while alive and fully conscious, and just as apt to be butchered and have their feet cut off while they are still breathing as a cow that lived on a feed lot it's whole life. If he ever comes in to moes and joes I'll let him know.
I know I'm sounding bitter again, like when I hated christmas. But I do hate people. I used to only hate five people in the world, now I feel like it's everyone with a palin sticker on their car. I think the more I know about the world, the more I grow to hate it, but sometimes I like people too...
I was dreading getting my oil changed. I was preparing for the lecture of how I should have done it 700 miles ago, or the one about my brakes, or tires, or even just my headlight being out (I bought a bulb I just need to put it in), but they never came. My oil change took thirty minutes and if I hadn't had the bright idea to go for a long walk in the cold with the dogs on a busy street it would have been one of my most pleasant car experiences ever. As it was, my hands went numb and I yelled at the dogs a lot for pulling, and for pooping SIX times.
After, I went to buy coffee at Atlanta Coffee Roasters because I had so much time and I am never in that area, but they have a huge variety of beans so it's always worth the trip. The guy in line three people in front of me had ordered five pounds of coffee all ground finely. I hated him I'm not going to lie. Why did he not buy a coffee grinder and do it himself? He was obviously a coffee snob because he said this was the only store in the area (the whole atlanta area, as he was already driving thirty minutes from home) that had good coffee. He said every month he had to make a coffee run. Well dumbass, if you bought yourself a grinder that coffee would stay fresh longer, it would be easier to store, and you wouldn't be holding up the line. But I will say that I loved everyone else in that line with me. The girl behind him ordered two coffees, and even though she really wanted cream she waited until I said something when it was my turn in line instead of charging back to the front to tell them they had run out of cream. The guy behind her kindly waited while the man made him a swiss chocolate latte, that he had clearly never made before, and was surprised to see it on the menu. Both of them tipped him, and were nice even though it had taken much longer than they probably would have liked to get their beverages. And I loved the man behind the counter too. Not just because he looked like Santa Clause, but possibly because he reminded me of my own father. He wasn't supposed to be making lattes that morning, but one of his employees was at the doctor's and he listened patiently while she explained on the phone that she will be there as soon as she could. It wasn't a warm tingly feeling that I got or anything. I loved them, just as much as I truly hate all the others. But it was very real. I knew that man, his employees, the people in that shop, they were all real that day. They all had real problems, places to be, wives, kids, jobs, and I saw more of in fifteen minutes than was normal. I spend hours with people while they sit and eat, never thinking that they are real. They are just customers that maybe will tip me. The people in my neighborhood are just emails, or people yelling at me, sometimes their women with jogging strollers, but they're not real. They don't have problems. I wanted to jump behind the counter and help the owner make espresso, pour coffee, find the creamer. I could have done it. I could have helped. I could have been real too, but I didn't.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
a rant of sorts
I know I never post and we can all agree that's fair because no one ever reads this but after riding in the car for 40+ hours in the past week some thoughts have come to mind that I should probably right down.
First of all I hate Christmas. I love the idea of having an excuse to give people presents, I love giving and getting presents, but I still hate Christmas. And more than that I hate Thanksgiving. it's not just because I'm vegan and the fact that a national holiday celebrating our gross factory farming practices is disgusting to me, but I hate the fact that I am expected to take days off work (which means less money), travel (which means spending the money I'm not making because I took time off from work), and then I'm also supposed to buy people presents in the mean time. I love buying people presents; I just don't like to do it half assed. If I'm going to buy a present for someone I want them to really enjoy it. I want them to know I thought carefully about what to get them and knew they'd like it. So that means I'm spending more time and money on this than maybe other people are, but what is the fun in getting or giving crappy gifts? So I'm not a typical humbug, but I hate Thanksgiving and I hate Christmas. And I would be quite content if we just skipped the days between Halloween and Valentine's day, because really is there anything more dissapointing than New Year's?
Second of all....I need to write a book, but not like the weird fantastical collection of words I've been scribbling down every November. A David Sedaris or Chelsea Handler style humorous collection of embarrassing stories. I'm thinking some about my depressing love life between the ages of 10 and 20. Or the stupid things I used to do when I was drunk. I think I could combine those though, like when I had a huge crush on Dan Trudeau when I was in 7th grade, and it was perfect because I never talked to him or saw him so he could remain perfect in my mind until a friend of mine told me he smoked weed and that was so crazy and foreign to me I was forced to move on. But then when I was 19 and drinking at a bar, I shouldn't have been drinking at, and more accepting of the fact that people smoked weed, I saw him and because I had already consumed 3 vodka cranberries, it seemed like a lovely idea to tell him that I used to have a crush on him in 7th grade, which he then seemed very pleased with and we made out in his car.
Or I could write a collection of family stories that could explain why my brother's have given me little faith in the opposite sex, and justified my perpetual fear of alcohol that I eventually overcame. thank you, oglethorpe. So much life to right about....and I'm not even 25 yet, but I will be next November. Does a collection of short memoirs on the same topic qualify for NaNoWriMo?
Third...I hate driving in the snow. It's gaining steam and it might make it to my Top 5 Things I Hate List soon if I keep having to do it, but currently beating it on the list are: the stupid people that think any time it is cold or it snows is infallible proof that global warming is a myth. Could you be any more stupid? First (I know you love to know I can count) when it snows the temperature is relatively high: normally between 20-30. Cold winters temperatures are normally below zero. Secondly, if it is cold it doesn't mean global warming can't exist. Scientists believe that global warming will cause erratic weather patters, say like it being 9 degrees on Sunday and then 60 on Wednesday. I'd call that erratic.
The most plausible argument for why global warming doesn't exist is the idea that it is happening it's just not man made. It's a natural cycle the world goes through based on how much trees grew in 1665. And I would buy that, maybe, if I needed a reason not to feel guilty for driving my Chevy Suburban through rush hour traffic every morning with just lonely old me inside the 8 passenger vehicle. But for those of us who aren't trying to maintain a horribly wasteful way of life it's pretty obvious that doing bad things will eventually catch up to us. Isn't that why people believe in heaven and hell? So what is the worst thing that could happen if we work to protect our environment? We might lower our cholesterol levels?
Fourth, I hate stupid people.
First of all I hate Christmas. I love the idea of having an excuse to give people presents, I love giving and getting presents, but I still hate Christmas. And more than that I hate Thanksgiving. it's not just because I'm vegan and the fact that a national holiday celebrating our gross factory farming practices is disgusting to me, but I hate the fact that I am expected to take days off work (which means less money), travel (which means spending the money I'm not making because I took time off from work), and then I'm also supposed to buy people presents in the mean time. I love buying people presents; I just don't like to do it half assed. If I'm going to buy a present for someone I want them to really enjoy it. I want them to know I thought carefully about what to get them and knew they'd like it. So that means I'm spending more time and money on this than maybe other people are, but what is the fun in getting or giving crappy gifts? So I'm not a typical humbug, but I hate Thanksgiving and I hate Christmas. And I would be quite content if we just skipped the days between Halloween and Valentine's day, because really is there anything more dissapointing than New Year's?
Second of all....I need to write a book, but not like the weird fantastical collection of words I've been scribbling down every November. A David Sedaris or Chelsea Handler style humorous collection of embarrassing stories. I'm thinking some about my depressing love life between the ages of 10 and 20. Or the stupid things I used to do when I was drunk. I think I could combine those though, like when I had a huge crush on Dan Trudeau when I was in 7th grade, and it was perfect because I never talked to him or saw him so he could remain perfect in my mind until a friend of mine told me he smoked weed and that was so crazy and foreign to me I was forced to move on. But then when I was 19 and drinking at a bar, I shouldn't have been drinking at, and more accepting of the fact that people smoked weed, I saw him and because I had already consumed 3 vodka cranberries, it seemed like a lovely idea to tell him that I used to have a crush on him in 7th grade, which he then seemed very pleased with and we made out in his car.
Or I could write a collection of family stories that could explain why my brother's have given me little faith in the opposite sex, and justified my perpetual fear of alcohol that I eventually overcame. thank you, oglethorpe. So much life to right about....and I'm not even 25 yet, but I will be next November. Does a collection of short memoirs on the same topic qualify for NaNoWriMo?
Third...I hate driving in the snow. It's gaining steam and it might make it to my Top 5 Things I Hate List soon if I keep having to do it, but currently beating it on the list are: the stupid people that think any time it is cold or it snows is infallible proof that global warming is a myth. Could you be any more stupid? First (I know you love to know I can count) when it snows the temperature is relatively high: normally between 20-30. Cold winters temperatures are normally below zero. Secondly, if it is cold it doesn't mean global warming can't exist. Scientists believe that global warming will cause erratic weather patters, say like it being 9 degrees on Sunday and then 60 on Wednesday. I'd call that erratic.
The most plausible argument for why global warming doesn't exist is the idea that it is happening it's just not man made. It's a natural cycle the world goes through based on how much trees grew in 1665. And I would buy that, maybe, if I needed a reason not to feel guilty for driving my Chevy Suburban through rush hour traffic every morning with just lonely old me inside the 8 passenger vehicle. But for those of us who aren't trying to maintain a horribly wasteful way of life it's pretty obvious that doing bad things will eventually catch up to us. Isn't that why people believe in heaven and hell? So what is the worst thing that could happen if we work to protect our environment? We might lower our cholesterol levels?
Fourth, I hate stupid people.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Hyperspace
I imagine that driving in the snow, with the white flakes headed in all directions as they hit your windshield, is a lot like driving through hyperspace drunk. Like Han Solo and Lei driving through hyperspace, that’s me in a snowstorm.
I like to talk about Star Wars with people I don’t know, when we first meet. I think you can tell a lot about a person by what they watch, read…do. I don’t recall if Spencer liked Star Wars. Spencer was a law student at Georgia State; he liked the playground that we went to when we were all drunk, and he liked whiskey. You can never tell much about a guy by what he drinks though, unless he drinks it through a straw.
Brett only drank beer, and cheap beer. Rand only drank liquor, but never whiskey. My brothers will drink anything with alcohol in it, but they claim to appreciate the finer taste of well aged whiskey. They’re full of crap.
So you can’t tell a boy just by what he drinks. Or even just if he has a dog, not everyone who has a dog is a nice person, just think of Michael Vick.
Even if he has an awesome dog that can sit, lie down, shake, roll over, and play dead all on command. Even if he has a wonderful pit bull mix that he rescued from the pound, and he takes on long walks everyday and to the park every weekend, there’s still the chance that he had sex with some stranger in his fiancé’s car. There’s still the chance that he’s an asshole. So really there’s just no way to tell.
Monday, January 11, 2010
untitled
When you want to be funny, you can't cry real tears. People can always tell the difference between fake tears and real tears. Fake tears are ok, if you want to be funny.
If you think it is a good idea to tell your ex-boyfriend that the terms and conditions of your break up have not been met and thus your break up is void, then you need to be able to handle the fact that he might not be amused. Even if he said that he wanted to hang out with you and be friends after your relationship ended, even if he offered to watch your Great Dane, Pongo the next time you needed to go out of town, he might have meant it in a different way than the contractual agreement you imagined.
You need to be able to take it, without any sign of real tears when he doesn't think you threatening to start dating again if these terms and conditions are not met, is amusing. Even if this means silly love notes in pink and purple marker on his car (reading: I LOVE YOU or YOU'RE SO HOT AND SPECIAL LIKE TACO SAUCE) or cookies, or hugs.
If your ex-boyfriend has been ignoring you for a month or two now, this might not actually be the best way to handle the situation, no matter how entertaining it seems at first. Because next to being ignored your least favorite thing is probably when you get the feeling that people think you are crazy, and when your ex-boyfriend asks "What is the point of all this anyway?" That is exactly what he is thinking. Because even though you meant it to be comical, and you know relationships don't start or end the same way as a lease agreement or any other form of contract you learned about your first year at law school, you thought your logic was well thought out and rational.
But you can't cry, because you are supposed to be funny, and crying is not funny, especially when you're crying because it really hurts, that your ex-boyfriend would so much rather ignore you than deal with the situation you presented in this ironic and witty way. So don't cry when all this happens. Swallow that lump in your throat that hurts so bad, and laugh at how you managed to date someone for so long who didn't have a sense of humor, a math major who can't understand clear logic.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Dear Mrs. Hudgins
Dear Mrs Hudgins,
I hope you will accept my sincere apologies. It was not my intention then, nor is it now to have upset you. I was being very selfish after all, when I decided to get rid of the Christmas tree, three days before Christmas. Jane and Zach understood, so I thought I was being fare, but you are right. I did not think about the neighbors, and how it would affect their Christmas spirit. So I am sorry.
But if you must now, Mrs Hudgins my main concern is for the health and well being of my family. And this Christmas might be ruined, but I'm trying to preserve something much larger than that, my sanity and theirs. See Ted left. It was four days ago now. He told the kids, but just left me a nasty note telling me he did not love me anymore. My hope is to be long gone by the time he comes back, and I know he will come back, because he left his precious bass guitar in the basement (although I think he hid it from me because it was not in its usual spot and he anticipated some retaliation). He could not live without that you know. But me and the kids, he could easily live without us. Jane is handling it all very well if you must know, but Zach is horribly torn up about it. And so I'm sorry to ruin your Christmas with our family drama, but well life happens. If you see Ted once we're gone feel free to let him know how our tree being on the curb the Monday before Christmas truly upset you. As it is, all his fault.
Sincerely,
mary beth
I hope you will accept my sincere apologies. It was not my intention then, nor is it now to have upset you. I was being very selfish after all, when I decided to get rid of the Christmas tree, three days before Christmas. Jane and Zach understood, so I thought I was being fare, but you are right. I did not think about the neighbors, and how it would affect their Christmas spirit. So I am sorry.
But if you must now, Mrs Hudgins my main concern is for the health and well being of my family. And this Christmas might be ruined, but I'm trying to preserve something much larger than that, my sanity and theirs. See Ted left. It was four days ago now. He told the kids, but just left me a nasty note telling me he did not love me anymore. My hope is to be long gone by the time he comes back, and I know he will come back, because he left his precious bass guitar in the basement (although I think he hid it from me because it was not in its usual spot and he anticipated some retaliation). He could not live without that you know. But me and the kids, he could easily live without us. Jane is handling it all very well if you must know, but Zach is horribly torn up about it. And so I'm sorry to ruin your Christmas with our family drama, but well life happens. If you see Ted once we're gone feel free to let him know how our tree being on the curb the Monday before Christmas truly upset you. As it is, all his fault.
Sincerely,
mary beth
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