Why I Hate Boys

Why I Hate Boys

I hate Travis for making me believe that you had to have some serious fault to be loved. You had to be scarred emotionally to be worth loving. And Travis loved everyone else; he loved Amanda even though she had a boyfriend, just cause she had no parents. He loved Lindsay because she had suicidal tendencies, because she was needy and insecure. But he didn't love me because I was not fucked up enough. I had two parents that loved me, and I had never carved into my own skin, just to feel anything at all. I had never tried to take twenty Advil. And for ever making me think I should, I hate Travis.

I hate Jason for taking my virginity. I hate Jason for lying to me, and for sleeping with my best friend. I hate Jason for never liking me the way I was, for wanting me to change my hair color to red and wear tighter jeans. I hate Jason for ditching me on Valentine's Day to drink cough syrup with his friends. I hate Jason because when he took away my virginity he took away the romanticism of sex. He took away any meaning I might have attached to sex, that would prevent me from treating it carelessly. It took me five years to make up for what he did, and learn to not be a slut, and for that and many other reasons I hate Jason.

I hate Derick for telling me he couldn't kiss me because he was friends with Jason.  I hate him for kissing me later after time had passed and he knew it would not damage his friendship with Jason. I hate him for being such a good kisser and then going and kissing my best friend at my house, at my party right in front of me. I hate him even more because he told me he didn't really like her, and that she wasn't pretty just the day before, which could only lead me to think that I must be practically deformed.

I hate Glenn for being the first boy I truly liked and wanted to date, and I hate him for falling in love with his ex-girlfriend before that could ever happen. I hate Glenn for being, for so long the boy that got away, because there is no way to compete with an ex-girlfriend that stole his heart by taking his virginity and being the only girl he ever wanted after that. I hate Glenn for making me realize I could be so beautiful and so intelligent and still be nothing to him, so long as she was there.

I hate short Mike for having a girlfriend, for cheating on his girlfriend and for saying he loved me all at the same time. I hate slut Mike for being the first boy I ever kissed, and then kissing my friend Alexis, and my friend Kimberley, and then sleeping with my friend Faith and never realizing that this might cause problems or that it might ruin years of friendship.

I hate Justin for being such a retard that he failed out of the local state university, and I hate him for making me do stupid things like drive five hours south in a car with a windshield that had been shattered, just to see him. I hate him for being so far away that I actually believed he was perfect for me, because he was never there to prove me wrong.

I hate Sky for thinking I belonged to him just because he loved me. I hate him for thinking that simply because he loved me it was reason enough for me to put my life on hold, to commit myself to him. I hate Sky for telling me I would be an awful girlfriend just because I didn't always want to hang out with him. And I hate Sky for calling me "dirty" just because I admitted I would never love him the same way he loved me.

I hate Jeremy for being engaged. I hate him for biting my lip and pulling my hair and being perfect in every way, except not being single. I hate him for lying to me when I asked him if he was in a relationship and I hate him for letting me find out the truth. I hate him for not having a car and still saying we should race, when he really meant fuck. I hate his strawberry blonde hair, and his bright blue eyes, his raspy smoker's voice and I hate him for being so funny and clever, and liking my dog so much.

I hate Scott for telling me he was falling in love with me. Me, the person his wife hired to take care of their wonderful children. I hate him for even thinking that I would betray his wife that way, and I hate him for considering it himself. I hate him for making my life and my job horribly uncomfortable. I hate him for teaching me that even after you are done dating, and you grow up and get married, you have kids, and your husband is still a stupid prick who would give up everything just for a younger, newer piece of ass.

I hate Zach, and Andrew, I hate Jon and I hate Brett. I hate every boy who wanted nothing more than to sleep with me. Every boy that was willing to disregard any feelings I might have for one night inside my thighs. And every boy who after being there disappeared without a trace.

I hate Allen for sleeping with a married woman and proving he never respected the sanctity of marriage. I hate Brandon for getting a blow job from a stripper while he was married, and I hate him for walking out on his wife, just because things were tough. I hate Jordan for hooking up with my roommate, and two of my best friends. I hate Adam, Brandon, and Jordan, my three brothers for never proving me wrong about any of my beliefs about the opposite sex. I hate them for acting like children any time they get drunk and being just like all the other idiot boys out there, no different.

I hate Robert for being the one boy I don't actually hate. The only one that wasn't a mistake. The only one I don't regret. I hate him for watching my dog when I was out of town and sending me text messages every time they raced down the sidewalk to tell me who won. I hate him for thinking I was beautiful every morning he woke up next to me. I hate him for making me mix CDs to listen to on my long drives. I hate him for driving me around every time my car broke. I hate him for driving me to pick up my new car when I could finally afford one. I hate him for all the times he bought me dinner, or paid when we went to the movies. I hate his curly brown hair and how much I loved to run my fingers through it. I hate him for meeting my dad and my brothers, and getting along with them so well.

But mostly I hate myself, for letting him think I didn't love him anymore, for letting him slip away and far beyond my reach. I hate myself for letting him go without a fight because it didn't occur to me at the time that he was the best thing that ever happened to me, and the one guy that wasn't a mistake is my biggest regret.